I have always been a very layered person. I have lived and flourished within the tension of seemingly opposing forces. I am a creative visionary. And a radical pragmatist. A hardcore introvert. And an attention-whore.
I live with my feet firmly planted on the ground: I like to run with the wild things.
AND I am at home in the void: In the abyss of no:thing_ness.
I have never been afraid to look death directly into the eyes.
I love to dance and play at the edge.
Discovering BDSM and my Journey into Submission
When I started to explore BDSM and my own submissiveness several years ago, I - for the first time in my entire life -, found a framework that allowed me to bring all parts of myself into sex:
· my darkness as much as my light
· my innocence as much as my inner whore
· the cute little kitten and the fierce tigress
· my ferouciousness and my softness
· my mental toughness and my tremendous sensibility
· my inner stillness and my greedy lust
· my childish playfulness as much as my deep devotional nature
· my love affair with danger and risk AND my need for safety, trust and tenderness
Although I have always been curious about the intersections of Tantra, Kink & BDSM, I never thought of myself as the typical BDSM-girl: I am not particularly into giving or receiving pain. I don’t get off on rough play or verbal denunciation. Therefore I kept my explorations limited to the tantric field although I always felt that it offered very little space for my primal side.
It was only when a writer-friend and fellow sensualist suggested that I try out Shibari [Japanese Rope Bondage] that I gave in to my curiosity for BDSM.
Several weeks later I coincidentally (?) met and went on a date with a man who turned out to be an experienced dom.
Long story short: I became his submissive, he initiated me into the dark erotic arts, my entire life turned around completely and I have been hooked ever since.
Going down the rabbit-hole: The Alchemy of Submission
My journey into submission has been one oft he biggest catalysts of my entire life. It has given me the courage and strength to really go after what I want in life, to take huge risks and turn the heat up on every-f*cking-thing.
It has also been the most powerful reminder and teacher about my own receptive powers as a woman.
I feel the most powerful when I submit. When I surrender completely.
And I have come to see and understand very cleary that our society is clueless about this form of power. The modern woman (and man) has a very skewed, messed up view of sexual power dynamics and the healing powers of dominance & submission.
For me the greates gift of a dom is his ability to take me into deep containment.
To hold me in his energy and put his attention on me without flinching.
His ability to put me into sub-space even from afar, just through his energy and
presence.
Feeling protected and cherished by him.
Receiving his provision, being on my knees.
And worshipping his mastery.
I really need a man that I can look up to. A man who is better than me.
I do believe that BDSM is an art. But it can also be a way to reclaim all of the parts of ourselves that we have lost along the way.
It is a potent technology for intense sexual polarity.
And a blueprint for sexually charged, deeeply gratifying man-woman relating.
I think BDSM deserves way more respect than we currently give it.
Playing it Safe Will Get you Nowhere.
Let me be frank with you: The dark erotic arts are a VERY hot, risky game.
They are meant to f*ck with your identity. They are meant to deconstruct you. They can and will recalibrate your entire energetic system.
Submission is dangerous territory:
Once you have tasted her, you are forever changed.
Once she has had you, you can never go back to your old ways.
Submission is a threshold. She is an initiation into your feminine power.
She is the great shape shifter and alchemizer.
She will burn down your house.
She will devour and eat you alive.
She will strip you naked and take everything away from you that isn’t you.
A good, skillful dom will always bring a trickster-like quality to BDSM-play. He won’t take his submissive‘s bullshit and he will see straight through all of her defenses. The sadist in him will want to break her down for her own good.
A masterful dom will take you down into the rabbit hole of the involuntary: The magical, yet scarry place where you are no longer in charge of your nervous system because he has taken you over. And you get an embodied experience of what it actually feels like to be free.
To no longer have to make any decisions.
To be fully seen and witnessed in your chaos.
And to be truly taken care of.
Submission changes us on a fundamental, cellular level.
She puts us back in touch with the oceanic depths of our surrender.
The poetry of the flesh. And the songs of the sensual.
The Fetishization of Leadership
The fact that female submission is still SUCH a big taboo, even though we are living in an oh so liberated (aka messed up) sexual culture, is very telling.
One of the biggest perversions of the current Zeitgeist is its toxic glorification and unhealthy fetishization of leadership. The self-optimization movement is trying to convince us that everybody is a leader deep down inside. That we should all start our own business and become the CEO of our life.
Don’t get me wrong – I think there is tremendous value in good leadership and the world is in dire need of it. But it doesn’t mean that becoming a leader will make us happy.
I am a damn good leader.
I can tame wild animals with my energy. I can get the most unruly, rebellious teenagers under my wings in no time and I sure as hell know how to take charge if I have to. I love to lead. I am brilliant at it.
BUT it is extremely energy-expensive for me and it isn’t feeding my soul.
I enjoy nothing more than being lead well.
I love nothing more than giving myself over to the leadership of a wise, competent man.
I am very good at it. And it comes naturally to me.
I thrive in my submission.
Submission As Truth-Serum
If you choose to sign up for the reclamation of your own submissive archetype as a woman, you will see straight through all the lies of the female empowerment movement that you have been fed your entire life.
You will know that everything you have been told that should make you happy such as
… getting higher education and a university degree
…. having a thriving carreer and climbing up the corporate ladder
…. being a great leader, having your own business and getting shit done
… having a carreer, kids and runnning a household while being able to do everything a man can do bleeding …
… that all those boxes that you were supposed to tick in order to find your happily ever after … were insidious manipulation tactics to hook you into the moloch of capitalist consumer society.
If you chose to sign up for the reclamation of your submissive archetype you would wake up to the truth:
The fact that throughout your entire life, your femininity has been used against you, has been used to weaken, exploit and enslave you, has been stolen away from you without you even noticing it – and has been replaced by the all consuming succubus of the meritocracy.
In this system men and women are placed against each other.
Woman are told from a very young age that their youthfullness, their beauty and their pussies are their biggest assets. And that men are just lusting after these assets and want to get into their pants in order to extract some selfish pleasure out of them.
We are warned that men aren’t actually interested in who we truly are as women.
In our irrational, watery essence.
Our wildness. And our sensual depth.
And the list goes on and on …
What I have learned and experienced on my journey of submission is that nothing could be further from the truth:
Men are extraordinarily generous. Male sexuality is selfless in its very essence.
Men want to pour into us. They want to provide for us.
They want to protect us. They live to make us happy.
And more than anything:
Men want nothing more than to serve us in our sensual unfolding.
Do I think that every woman should take the submissive path?
Hell no. As I have said: Submission is very dangerous territory.
It is edgy. It is kinky. It is raw.
It will blow you open like very few things can and will. It is certainly not for everybody.
It requires an extraordinary amount of confidence. You must be able to communicate your desires crystall clearly, you have to know & own yourself sensually. You have to have strong boundaries, you have to be willing to step into your shadow & reclaim your lost parts.
Your Submission will set you free: Re_Defining Female Empowerment
My submission has become my north. She is the guiding principle of my life.
She is the well that I return to in order to rejuvenate and recharge myself when life has beat me down.
My submission is how I break free: From the burden of myself.
From the false societal narratives and expectations that have been placed upon me.
From the bullshit lies that my ego is trying to tell me.
My submission is my deep, dark yearning to be met fully. To be touched and handled well by a strong, dominant man. She is my desire to melt back into the river of my own aliveness.
Where I dissolve and die.
Where I am reborn.
By her.
True female empowerment will not happen by us women becoming better men, better executives, by working harder, healing and fixing ourselves, getting more credentials or … what have you? All of these efforts will only make us more bitter, bitchy and resentful over time.
True female empowerment can only happen through us. When we have the immense privilege of being able to surrender to the lead of a masterful dom who is able to take us to places we could never take ourselves to on our own. In those precious moments we are reminded of who we truly are in our essence. We remember where all of our creative powers actually come from.
The genius of a dom lies in his ability to feel into our system and hear its silent whispers and yearnings.
Trusting unconditionally. Melting open. Letting go.
Maybe for the first time in your entire life.
Allowing yourself to be taken care of.
Submission is the fastes way to restore your feminine essence. To get truly seen and deeply nourished. To experience absolute safety and trust while playing with fire and letting your desires run wild. To be so firmly held and led by your dom that you can allow yourself to destabilize into ecstasy, into trance-like stillness and rich, earth-shattering sensuality.
Submission in a time like ours is outrageous. She is subversive.
She turns the existing paradigm of female empowerment on its head.
And …. she is who I am at my core:
I am a submissive woman.
I get to own and experience all of my power – through my submission.
I make every man who comes into contact with me bigger.
Because of my submission.
I get to let go and melt back into the soft depths of my body, while my insides liquify and the flow of sexual energy washes through my entire being.
My submission is my direct access to the divine. She is the great paradox:
The all-encompassing existential truth: Being tied up, broken down and remade by the mystery herself while I am held in the energy of my dom. While I am being watched, witnessed and loved by him.
My submission is not for me. Or my dom.
She does not belong to me.
I belong to her.
She hides in his gaze. She enters me through him.
She is not form. She is the great shedding. The bleeding chaos that I crave in order to find my footing, to stand firmly on the soil, to re:locate myself in the bigger picture.
She is my strength, my ability & willingness to run with the wild horses of the soul.
She is softening. She is grace. She is the great exhale.
My connection to the entire cosmos.
My submission is the great reminder that I mean nothing. And that I don’t have it in my hands: Life is doing me. A bigger intelligence is acting through me – whenever I manage to get out of my own way and surrender back to life.
Surrender to the leadership, structure and the containment that my dom provides:
I can drop the stories and melt back into my body.
Back to reality. Back to earth.
Back to my own devotional nature.